Comments posted by dashmagnus

39 comments

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1. dashmagnus 68 days ago on video Tainted Love played with floppy drives

That's great. Now have them play "Like a Virgin".

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2. dashmagnus 149 days ago on video Kid Casts Molten Metal In A Hand-made Forge

Hope that wasn't his mother's cupcake pan.

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3. dashmagnus 270 days ago on video How Jeans Are Made

Where do they make the Mom Jeans? Obviously not at this location.

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4. dashmagnus 294 days ago on video A hunter in a tree-stand gets an unexpected visit.

She was just looking for a picnic basket. Don't have one? Okay. Bye!

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5. dashmagnus 328 days ago on video The face of pure terror

He could have caught salmonella! Wash your hands, dude.

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6. dashmagnus 1 year ago on video So Porsche designed a television...

#2 That was my first impression as well. The same goes for men who buy enormous trucks that are jacked up and have gigantic wheels. Over compensating for feeling inadequate. Nice truck. Sorry about your small penis.

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7. dashmagnus 1 year ago on video How To Wash Your Cat

I wish that cat would scratch the hell out of him.

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8. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Dog trolling Tram

I fought the dog and the dog won....

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9. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Secret Pool

Because 007 theme music is always associated with laughing families splashing water on each other in the backyard.

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10. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Where the Hell is Matt? 2012

Holiday, celebration
come together in every nation

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11. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Celebrities Read Mean Tweets

Kristen Stewart, Helen Hunt
talk about two boring girls.

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12. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Truck Explosion at McDonald's

Every time I go to McDonald's with my niece Phyllis she always asks what the fish is like. And I always have to say, "It's square fish Phyllis! OK!"

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13. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video The Most Annoying Cat

I had to take the door stoppers off the doors because my cats did the same thing.

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14. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Dangerous Way to Feed Wolves

Is this a deleted scene from one of the Jackass movies?

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15. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Blind prodigy playing a song on the piano after hearing it for the first time

The original sounded like some Euro trance crap. His piano version is MUCH better. So talented.

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16. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Chinese build record breaking bridge

Yes, China is doing well. If you overlook the human rights violations, worker safety, lack of freedom of the press, suppressing political demonstrations and protests and an overall disregard for the welfare or property rights of the people in general. But the infrastructure construction projects are, indeed, impressive. It almost makes China look like a great place to live and raise a family.

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17. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Man Buys a Safe On Ebay...

The world is not addicted to money. People just incorrectly assume that having it will solve all of their perceived problems. That somehow it will magically make them happy and their lives will be full. But that is just a superficial illusion. When I am gone I would rather people remember me for being a good person and a true friend than for whatever materialistic possessions I did or did not have.

This won't be overheard at my funeral:
"Oh my god Becky, look at him in that casket! He just bought the new iPhone and he's not even getting buried with it!"

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18. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Manhole Explosion

Thar she blows!

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19. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Super-cat

It's Toonces little brother!

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20. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Redneck mechanics: Tank Tracked Truck

It should have a decal on the window that says "Micropenis Onboard".

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21. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Machine tries to take over the world!!

I did not know that construction companies provided a Sit-n-Spin onsite for employee health & fitness.

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22. dashmagnus 2 years ago on video Cutting open a coconut Hawaii vs Trinidad

Effortlessly? As he stands there whacking it with a machete..over and over and over. I'll have to remember this the next time I'm lost on a desert island with a wheelbarrow full of coconuts.

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23. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Indian Driving Manners

They should be driving more carefully. It is Ganesh's birthday after all.

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24. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Boston Logan Departures

Yawn....zzzzzzzzz.

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25. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Guy falls from top of mountain

I want my two dollars! I want my two dollars!

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26. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Just another day at the office

Tell her to light her tampon and blow her box apart.

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27. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video why burgers looks so good at the pictures

This makes sense. If they showed burgers the way it is served to customers then it would have the horrible white chunks of iceberg lettuce, miniscule pickles, tomatoes that are still green in the middle and topped off with excessive amounts of diced onions. Show this burger next to the over cooked limp french fries that taste like they were fried in week old oil. And this is when they get your order correct. Mmmm mmmm. Just thinking about it makes me so hungry.

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28. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Gobble Gobble 2010

Oh, HELL NO!

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29. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video I feel cold

My cat loves to fetch Jolly Ranchers. In fact, he insists on my throwing them so he can fetch. And he will wake up from a dead sleep if he even hears the crinkle of the plastic candy wrapper. And I do not have to play a video backwards to make it look cool.

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30. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Smooth criminal

Very talented. Now play "Like a Virgin".

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31. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Baby Elephant in the Bath

The only way to combat poaching is to end the belief that ivory increases male sexual performance. Would be interested to know if there has been any attempts to educate those who buy ivory for use in traditional Chinese medicine. A new widespread ad campaign could be started all over Asia..."Save the Elephants! Buy Viagra! It's Right on the Corner, Right on the Price!".

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32. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video House Built Of Coasters

Great. Just what we need. More crap that will end up in a land fill.

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33. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Woman at the Car Wash FAIL

This is what happens when a woman has a hot flash at the car wash. She should have tried hormone therapy.

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34. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video Guy Has Different Way of Doing Tequila Shots

I don't think that was salt. I think it was ketamine.

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35. dashmagnus 3 years ago on video stop smoking

My treadmill has a digital display showing the user's heartrate and blood pressure but I removed it to make room for the ashtray. After seeing this video I've decided to switch to low tar.

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36. dashmagnus 4 years ago on video Leopard Kills Baboon Protects Baby

Shortly afterwards Madonna arrived and adopted the baby in preparation for her Blond Baboon World Tour.

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37. dashmagnus 4 years ago on video Domesticated alligator

Crocodiles have two modes: EAT and EAT. This guy doesn't have a lick of sense.

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38. dashmagnus 4 years ago on video Rocket carrying a 45 million dollar military satellite

Attention, emergency! All personnel must evacuate. You now have 10 seconds to reach minimum safe distance.

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39. dashmagnus 4 years ago on video Angry British Telecom Customer

It's much easier (and funnier) to tell the telemarketer you will listen to their speech if they will listen to you tell them about Jesus. They won't be able to get off the phone fast enough. Works every time.